Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Oh my God it's the Future XÄÅ89261 and so on


I am so scared. I am 93 years old and I haven't left my apartment in years. I don't know how many, because the robot bastard won't tell me. Maybe I'm not asking right. Everybody speaks different now. He's probably programmed to understand them, and not me. Everybody speaks like they do in the middle section of that horrible book Cloud Atlas that I read when I was young ( and extremely beautiful). It was so unbelievebly annoying to read that part, about the future, in a time after The Fall. Where everybody spoke like retards. Well. We're here now. Not the Fall, but people do say things like "ooo, I sense her with my spesh powers". That is one of the reasons I don't go out. The other is those flying android monkeys, that swoop down and pull poeples hair and scream obscenities. Something went horribly wrong with an experiment on an island somewhere by New Zeeland, and now those monkeys are just everywhere. It's awful, I can't even go out on my porch anymore without hearing the word cocksucker. Horrible. I do enjoy shooting them with my little lazer gun that I got from my great grandson Jurvo( what ever happend to biblical names? Oj oj, I think they are illegal now. Yes they said, eloquent as always " No uns gonnuh be name'd the'm name-os no mo're, tis because, well, peoples beened name'd the'm names too multi times in th'non-future".) One considerably disturbing fact is that Jurvo is just 5 years old. Kids all play with leathal weapons now, all different colored lazers. I can see them from my window at dusk and it's quite a spectacle, all those colores clashing, glowing in the dark. But eventually one of the kids gets killed, and mommy has to run out, annoyed, and give him one red pill, one yellow pill, and one pink pill. They kind of look like jellybeans actually, except they also give you life. ( Where were they when my husband died 2 years ago? I'm just saying). That's one of the better inventions they've come up with in the past year. Unlike those flying monkeys, who are, right now, as I'm dictating this into my floating iSphere - computer, sitting on my window sill, in a neat little row, all of them flipping me off. They think it's hilarious.

Ahhhh, where was I? Right, the life beans. Sometimes kids steal them and feed them into different objects ( by metling them and dripping them onto the object). The other day I saw a kid with a pet stapler, hopping along by his side. Catching sticks and rolling around in puddles. Yeah, we don't have dogs anymore. They all left when they learned how to think and talk. They said they didn't love us anymore, and that they had to move on to something better. They didn't fly off into space like in Hitchikers guide to blah, if that's what youre thinking. I think they just drove off in cars. Dog heads sticking out from all the windows, tongues flapping so much they could hardy talk to eachother. I was happy for them. Most people just threw stuff at their passing caravan. People these days...what are you going to do? I don't know. In a few days, they are going to take my dead husband out of the big thermos our son insisted we put him in when he passed away. " Leave him be Skitto, he's been through enough already" , I told him, "I don't think anyones going to be able to bring back the dead anytime soon", I said. Yeah. I was wrong. For the first time in my life no less! So, yeah, I'm expecting him back by breakfast the day after tomorrow. He can help me curse at the monekeys with his hoarse old man voice, that always tends to scare them more then my shrieking.

I have to go now, because the robot is giving me my sleeping pills. There's nothing I can do about it. I also think that he can read my mind. Good night

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