Friday, May 25, 2007

How I learned about Fart-Wars


Let me take you guys on a journey into the wondrous world of student-teaching for just a second here. The classroom ( especially the art-classroom) is a place where anything can happen. Students see all the colorful pictures on the walls and get all giddy with excitement that their awkward adolescent bodies can't possibly contain. Some kids get angry, some feel like they need to yell or start drumming loudly on their desks. Some get an uncontrollable urge to fart, a lot. My theory is that this is brought on by the drumming ...everybody gets all riled up from that.

So, a while ago when I was at the pretty much all male high school in the ghetto where I student-teach , it happened, my first fart-war. I didn't see it coming of course, but now, looking back all the signs where there 1). yelling 2.) more yelling 3.) DRUMMING. Yes, the fart-war was inevitable. It started with one of the leader-guys walking up to the black board and farting, but this guy, being the leader or "fart-master" didn't just settle for a plain fart...no, he was not willing to compromise this statement, or start signal if you will, by filtrating his fart with two whole layers of fabric! He's better than that. So, he did the only logical thing, the only thing a good fart-master could do at that point, which was to pull down both pants and boxers and set it free out into the air. I don't need to tell you this was a huge success and all hell broke loose. Nothing could be done. Unfortunately, I think I made it way worse, I tried so hard not to laugh ( or breathe) but I had to, which of course the high school guys noticed and started farting even more. To seduce me. With their farts. Yes. Then the poor 63-year old teacher came up to me and said that " well, now you know how this is...so..yeah.......you can leave early today if you want to". And I did, I sauntered out into the fresh beautiful spring air. On my way to the subway I realized that this may have been my first fart-war, but it sure as hell won't be my last. Because I'm going to be a teacher, and high school guys are really gross.

Here's some completely unrelated music that I've been listening to a lot lately:

Johnny Cash- A boy named Sue

Kimya Dawson- The Beer

D' Angelo- The Line

This one is mostly to inform everyone that D'Angelo is NOT dead. He was in a car crash, and he did go to jail for something, and at some point he did indeed get fat. But that doesn't mean he's dead, Aida.

Gogol Bordello- Undestructable

The Comedian Harmonists- Wenn die Sonja russisch tanzt